What Is Chemsex and How Can Counselling Help?

Chemsex counselling creates a space where you can talk openly and honestly without fear of judgement. Whether you’re openly gay, bisexual, questioning, married, single or completely closeted, you deserve support that meets you where you are.

If you’ve found yourself searching for chemsex support or chemsex counselling, there’s a good chance you’re carrying around a question that feels difficult to ask out loud.

Maybe you’re wondering whether your relationship with chemsex has changed. Perhaps you’ve promised yourself you’ll take a break, only to find yourself returning to the same cycle. Or maybe you’re feeling exhausted by the secrecy, the anxiety or the impact it’s having on the rest of your life.

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

One of the biggest misconceptions about chemsex is that people who struggle with it simply lack willpower. In reality, the reasons people become involved in chemsex are often far more complex. For many gay and bisexual men, chemsex can become connected to deeper needs around connection, acceptance, confidence, intimacy and belonging.

The good news is that support is available. And seeking help doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It simply means you’re ready to understand what’s happening and explore whether life could feel different.

What is Chemsex?

Chemsex refers to the use of drugs before or during sex to enhance pleasure, increase confidence or prolong sexual experiences.

Chemsex is often associated with the drugs crystal methamphetamine (crystal meth), GHB/GBL and mephedrone. It is sometimes referred to as "party and play" (PnP), a term commonly used on dating apps and within some social circles.

For some people, chemsex remains an occasional activity with no lasting impact. For others, it can gradually become something they rely upon in order to feel comfortable, connected or able to engage sexually.

When chemsex begins to affect your relationships, mental health, physical wellbeing, finances or daily responsibilities, it may be a sign that additional support could help.

Many people only realise there is a problem when they notice they are spending increasing amounts of time thinking about chemsex, planning sessions, recovering afterwards or worrying about their behaviour.

By that stage, it’s common to feel overwhelmed, confused or unsure where to turn.

Why Do Some Gay and Bisexual Men Engage in Chemsex?

There is no single reason why someone becomes involved in chemsex.

In my experience, the conversation is rarely just about drugs.

For some men, chemsex provides an escape from loneliness. For others, it creates a sense of connection they struggle to find elsewhere. Some describe feeling more confident, more desirable or more able to express themselves than they do in everyday life.

This can be particularly true for men who have spent years hiding parts of themselves.

If you’re questioning your sexuality, worried about being judged or still living partly or completely in the closet, chemsex can become entangled with feelings of acceptance and belonging. It may feel like a space where you don’t have to explain yourself or pretend to be someone else.

That’s not a failure or a weakness. It’s simply a reflection of how powerful human connection can be.

Understanding these underlying factors is often an important step towards recovery.

A Personal Story

I chose to work in this area because I experienced chemsex myself on several occasions when I was younger. At the time, it offered a sense of closeness and connection that felt difficult to access elsewhere, without the vulnerability and emotional intimacy that often came with deeper relationships and regular sex.

I was carrying a significant amount of shame about who I was, and the drugs I was taking seemed to temporarily free me from that burden. For the first time, I felt able to let go, be present, and simply enjoy the sexual connections and pleasures of those moments.

Over time, however, I noticed that my relationship with chemsex was becoming more problematic. I was fortunate to have a strong support network around me, which helped me step back and make changes. Looking back, I believe that without that support, I could easily have gone on to develop a far more harmful relationship with it.

The work I did to understand and change my own relationship with chemsex led me to an important realisation: for many people, chemsex is often about much more than sex itself. Beneath the surface, it can be connected to experiences of shame, loneliness, identity and belonging, self-worth, and the need for connection. Understanding those deeper factors is often where meaningful change begins.

How Do You Know If Chemsex Is Becoming a Problem?

Everyone’s experience is different, but there are some common signs that chemsex may be becoming a concern.

Research has highlighted the complex relationship between chemsex, mental health and sexual wellbeing. The Chemsex Study (Bourne et al., 2014) found that men used drugs to boost their confidence and self-esteem, and to help them feel turned on. Needing that boost suggests many felt a lack in these areas, and that chemsex hookups were artificially bridging the gap between how they actually felt about themselves and how the drugs temporarily made them feel.

A later study by Weatherburn and colleagues (2017) interviewed 30 gay men in south London who had used chemsex drugs during sex. The men said chems boosted their confidence, lowered their inhibitions and made sex feel far more intimate. It suggests that many men are looking for the closeness and pleasure of sex with a boyfriend, often with men they barely know, without the risk of opening up emotionally. That kind of vulnerability can open the door to shame, which may be the very thing driving the drug use in the first place, with the drugs keeping that shame avoided and out of view.

You may benefit from specialist chemsex support if:

• You find it difficult to enjoy sex without drugs
• You regularly feel anxious, low or ashamed afterwards
• You have tried to cut down or stop but struggled
• Chemsex is affecting your work, finances or relationships
• You’re spending more time recovering from sessions
• You feel increasingly dependent on chemsex for confidence or connection
• You’re keeping your behaviour secret and feeling stressed about being discovered
• You no longer feel fully in control of your choices

Many people minimise these experiences because they believe things aren’t “bad enough” to ask for help.

The reality is that you don’t need to reach crisis point before speaking to someone.

Can I Access Chemsex Counselling If I'm Not Open About My Sexuality?

This is one of the concerns I hear most often.

Many men assume they need to be openly gay or bisexual before they can access support. Others worry that seeking help will somehow force them into conversations they’re not ready to have. Particularly difficult for men who remain closeted at work or in other areas of their lives.

Neither of those things are true though.

Professional chemsex counselling is not about pushing you towards any particular identity or lifestyle. It is about helping you understand your experiences, make sense of your challenges, perhaps become able to put down some difficult feelings or experiences too, and help you decide what you want for your future.

You don’t have to have all the answers before reaching out.

You don’t even have to be certain that chemsex is the problem.

Sometimes the first step is simply talking honestly about what’s going on.

How Can Chemsex Counselling Help?

Many people approach counselling believing they need fixing.

That isn’t how I see it.

Many people discover links between chemsex and issues relating to shame and self-worth.

Together, we can explore the role chemsex plays in your life and identify the factors that may be keeping you stuck. This might include looking at patterns of behaviour, emotional triggers, self-esteem, relationships, shame, anxiety or past experiences that continue to influence the present.

Counselling can also help you:

• Understand your relationship with chemsex
• Identify triggers and high-risk situations
• Build healthier coping strategies
• Improve confidence and self-worth
• Develop stronger support networks
• Reduce feelings of shame and isolation
• Create realistic recovery goals

Most importantly, counselling helps you remember that change is possible.

Many people come to therapy believing they’ll always feel trapped by the same cycle, and for those who are ready to do the work that therapy involves, this can become a feeling that no longer plagues them. It is not a guaranteed fix, but it can help many people move towards a better and healthier life.

What Should You Do If You're Worried About Chemsex?

If you're concerned about your relationship with chemsex, there are some practical steps you can take before starting counselling:

• Keep track of your chemsex sessions, including triggers and feelings afterwards.
• Speak with a trusted friend or someone in your support network.
• Reduce situations that make participation feel automatic or impulsive.
• Access sexual health services for regular testing and advice.
• Consider support organisations that specialise in LGBTQ+ wellbeing and substance use.

These steps won't solve everything, but they can help you better understand what's happening and prepare for meaningful change.

If you’ve recognised yourself in any part of this article, it may be worth considering whether now is the time to seek support.

You don’t need to have hit rock bottom.

You don’t need to be completely certain what comes next.

And you don’t need to face things alone.

Seeking chemsex support is not a sign of failure. It is a sign that you’re taking your wellbeing seriously and giving yourself the opportunity to understand what you need.

If face-to-face counselling feels difficult, online counselling for gay men can provide a confidential starting point.

Whether you’re still in the closet, struggling with shame, feeling stuck in a pattern of behaviour or simply looking for someone who understands, specialist chemsex counselling can provide a safe, confidential and non-judgemental place to start.

The hardest step is often the first one. Fortunately, you only have to take it once.

Frequently Asked Questions About Chemsex Counselling

Is chemsex counselling confidential? Yes. Counselling is confidential except in rare circumstances where there is a serious risk of harm.

I'm worried about HIV. What should I do? If you've had a potential exposure, contact a sexual health clinic as soon as possible. They can advise about testing, PEP and other support options.

What should I do in an emergency? If someone is unconscious, having difficulty breathing or experiencing a medical emergency related to drug use, call 999 immediately.